elegantly Chet - but not in Stoke Newington

Isn't he lovely? Imagine you can hear Autumn Leaves playing as you look at this picture. My hero.

Little Mlle Baroque has been busy lately with a particularly pointless assignment for her music teacher, Ms Philips: writing out five pages on various genres of jazz. She's been given the names of the genres, knows nothing whatever about them, and is researching them on the internet. They haven't heard any of the music in school. We're downloading a bit as we go.

The stupid thing is that this is a kid who loves music. She adores Ella and Chet and Billie, plays Dean Martin constantly and has never stopped singing since I rented the DVD of Hello Dolly: she absolutely idolises Louis Armstrong. ("Mummy," she says, "who originally did I'm Puttin' On My Top Hat - Louis Armstrong or Doris Day?" "Fred Astaire," I say. Rolling eyes: "I know - but of those two, who was first?" Why? "Kitty says it's Doris Day, she lo-oves the Doris Day version, but I keep telling her I think it was Louis Armstrong!" Then: "I don't think Doris Day's that interesting....")

We listen to a lot of swing in our house. But swing isn't on her list. She has bebop, but not Hard Bop (which is what comes up if you google bebop, unless you get the words just right), so she was flummoxed. I had to talk her through it. So she has a list of names, including John Coltrane, Charlie Parker, etc, but has she listened to them? No; she's too anxious about getting her paper done in time.

At least this assignment is better than her last one: five pages on salsa music.

Ms Philips! Why can't you give our kids more elegant lessons?