Showing posts with label money. Show all posts
Showing posts with label money. Show all posts

Thursday, 27 March 2008

no Lisa Simpson - or is she?












Wow, as you might say. You guys know I don't really follow American politics until I'm put in a position where I have to - but I've just read a long article in the Washington Post (via the Huffington Post) all about the blog (or "blogette") kept by the Republican candidate John McCain's daughter, Meghan. Now I am practicing stroking my own hair, but it isn't as smooth as Meghan's, so I fear it may not do me any good. And anyway, "blogette"? Yet somehow...

I mean, even her blog has staff! Baroque Mansions only sits five comfortably in one room, so that's a non-starter for this place, you'll be either pleased or dismayed to know.

Anyway, here's a taster:

"Some time back, McCain posted to her Web site a detailed explanation of her campaign trail makeup regimen, including her approach to maximizing lash 'density' by blending two brands of mascara, and her technique for priming lips with concealer before applying Benefit brand lip gloss.

'I just decided to do it 'cause a lot of girls were asking,' she says. 'And then I was dutifully punished on the Internet for writing about makeup.' She starts to giggle. 'But I got a lot of good response and Benefit actually sent me an e-mail being like, "We love that you love Benefit!" Yeah. So, I was like, "Yay"'. "

She's 23. She studied art history at Columbia.

And get this:

"The Web site is not affiliated with or funded by the McCain campaign, according to Meghan and a campaign spokeswoman. McCain says she didn't want to have to cede 'creative control' to her dad's staff.

So how does she pay for it?

'We don't talk about it,' McCain says firmly. ' 'Cause, like, once I answer one question it leads to 50 others.'

But, because she is the candidate's daughter, her press requests are routed through the campaign and, at one point, Brooke Buchanan, the McCain campaign's traveling spokeswoman, comes into the room to keep an eye on the interview.

'Hey, girls,' Buchanan says. She perches on the arm of Bae's chair.

'Did you change your hair?' one of the blogettes asks her."

See? She really is just a normal kinda girl. Srsly. And, blogged up, her family really do start to sound like the Simpsons:

"There's sprightly, 96-year-old Roberta McCain, who not too long ago told C-SPAN that the Republican base was just going to have to hold "their nose" and vote for her son. There's the senator, 71, who famously spent 5 1/2 years as a prisoner of war in Vietnam. There's Cindy, 53, John McCain's second wife, who was addicted to prescription painkillers for several years when Meghan was a child, and who in 2004 suffered a stroke. There's Meghan's brother, Jack, in the Naval Academy, and her other brother, Jimmy, a Marine who has served in Iraq. There's her little sister, Bridget, whom the McCains adopted from Bangladesh as an infant, and who was, in Dad's 2000 presidential race, the object of a smear campaign insinuating that she was the product of an illicit union."

And then there's little Lisa, the little PR genius.

The Post again:

"McCain is a political outsider with an insider's access, and on her Web site she notices the things political junkies never would, like the 'really cute' shoes Chelsea Clinton wore when they met. She posts photographs of her own shoes and of the shoes she encounters on the trail, including those belonging to such fashion luminaries as Dick Armey and Henry Kissinger.

'Because I love shoes, and who doesn't want to know what kind of shoes Dr. Kissinger wears?' she writes on her blog.

We didn't know we wanted to know, but now that she mentions it, we kinda do."

Hmm. You couldn't make it up.* She may never even need to fall back on that education, ya think? (Make sure you click on the pic.)

* But if you did, don't forget that foundation!

Thursday, 13 March 2008

newsflash: MPs "made to feel as if they're crooks", in which Ms B resorts to the use of capitals
















I don't mind telling you, my trusted readers, that my TV cost £350: I wanted a flat screen - it's a smallish room - but not by some make I'd never heard of. I bought the cheapest Philips flatscreen I could find. My previous set, which lasted years, till the picture turned green, was an ex-rental set from Radio Rentals. My stereo arrangements are ad hoc and involve the computer...

My kitchen is rented.

My wardrobe cost about £150 from the Place That Must Not Be Mentioned, and I had to put it together myself. My desk came from a junk shop.

Why do I ever even watch the news?? For I now know some of the contents of the House of Parliament's famous "John Lewis list" - the list of prices that are the most an MP can claim for his (or her) "essential expenses," i.e. those pesky costs associated with having to have a place in London and another in the country - which, by the way, you can claim on expenses for the mortgage or rent payments for. John Lewis may be "Never Knowingly Undersold;" but nonetheless it is a jolly expensive shop. Anything you buy in there you can easily get something just as good as for half the price elsewhere. But nonetheless, MPs can claim: £700 for a wardrobe; £750 for a TV; £10,000 for a new kitchen. Watch the papers tomorrow for new details of what you are buying for your MP. (Edited in: here it is.)

We in Baroque Mansions are (to put it mildly) DISMAYED to find that, while one has been scrimping on one's own expenses - the VCR doesn't work because I'm too thick to understand what cable to get for it, and anyway it's about 15 years old, and there is no DVD player; the old G4 still has no working hard drive, British Gas are chasing me for £98, the rented carpets are fraying, the living room ceiling light has no lampshade, my nicest lamp needs a new fuse (I think) and my other pineapple one needs rewiring completely; it took me three goes to fix the bloody Ikea bed to stay up with the slats all relatively stationary, I'm perishing for a new duvet cover, every pair of shoes I own needs re-heeling, my best tights just bit the dust, I have no curtain in my bedroom, and the front has come off one of the kitchen units - as I say, while all this is going on, I HAVE BEEN PAYING for all these MPs to have the flipping best of everything! In their second homes! AND their basic salary is nearly £62,000!! Fucking hell. If I got paid anything LIKE £62,000 I think I'd be able to buy my own sodding furniture. God damn it.

Oh, and then there's the small matter of having not paid into my work pension all those years because I needed the money, annoyingly, to live on. And before that, all the stay-at-home 3-babies-in-4-years years when it wasn't legal for the Baroque name to be put on the then-Mr Baroque's pension fund, because I wasn't (sic) "working."

I know. It's not exactly news... Except that at the moment it is, and one doesn't really like having one's nose rubbed in it.

And now they're worried about being misunderstood? Poor lambs.

Sunday, 27 January 2008

the laurels of unrest and other mundane matters

Ahhh... it's that moment in the week again. The moment when you have lugged the shopping (from Fresh & Wild and the Turkish shop, because once again you have managed to completely miss the supermarket - every supermarket - because you didn't leave the house till quarter to three, and then spent two hours drinking coffee with your friend) up the hill, and have opened your organic Bergerac and left the lettuce to get crushed by the Adriatic salami, and put the first load of laundry into the drier, and have checked your email and realised how late it really is, how late, and nearly Monday morning already and all that.

Picture it. Baroque Mansions is in semi-darkness, only one light on. Mlle B and her friend who is spending the night have not yet arrived. The whole place is quiet. Even Mozart is not on. The balcony door is open and the sky is dark, but the moon is round the other side, by the kitchen. What could have been stars ("The elderly and frail," according to Anthony Hecht, "Who've lasted through the night/ Cold brows and silent lips,/ For whom the rising light/ Entails their own eclipse") are in fact planes, loads of 'em, flying in all directions, unimaginably full of real people; and equally full of unseen characters are the three tower blocks over by Green Lanes, and all the little Victorian houses whose tiny orange lights form the horizon.

There are of course things still to do; you can't rest on your laurels just because it is Sunday evening. There's the laundry; and the new potatoes and overpriced organic chickenburgers (which Mlle B has just thoughtfully rung you from her father's house to say she is not hungry for, as she had her "lunch" at 5pm); and the bed slats to nail to the useless Ikea bed frame so they will stop falling down the whole time, with the nails so thoughtfully given you by your friend, the Cat Lady's, husband, because you also missed the hardware shop; and the washing up, plus all the other stuff you have to do, which is frankly rather a lot, and you are thinking your nails will have to go hang, though (you are hoping) not in the form of hangnails...

But - as the parenthetical quote above shows - you are a Person With an Idea. Oh yes. More than one, even! But one is an idea for your 2,000 words on Anthony Hecht, and it is a surprising and fun one, and one you can do, if only you can get hold of that one book you don't have... but it is still four days till payday. But there is a Borders gift card in the house, which could have some money on it. Only by going to the till at Borders can you ascertain this, and only at Foyles will they have the book.

However. There is Darian Leader, whose books I liked, to read on why we have completely lost the plot with our relationships and emotional lives; and there is James Wood on what makes a fictional character real (i.e., convincing, or surprising, or successful) (which could also apply to living people); and there is Sarah Crown's interview with Edwin Morgan, who at 87 didn't win the TS Eliot prize last week - even though his barely intelligible recorded reading was FAR more compelling than any of the live ones (though some of those were good). The result was far too depressing even to write about.

In fact, I think we'll leave Morgan with the last word, shall we? Substitute "January" for "February" and "Hackney" for "Hertfordshire" (and "American" for "Canadian" - but you get the idea. And "pedant" for "wolf," I suppose) and it could be the Baroque weekend exactly:

Lock the gates and man the fences! The lone Canadian timber-wolf has escaped into the thickets, the ditches, the distances! Blow the silver whistles!
The zoo-born sniffs the field mist,
The hedgerow leaves, liberty wind
of a cold February Friday.

Saturday trudging, loping, hungry, free but hunted,
dogs tracking, baying, losing scent, shouts dying,
fields dangerous, hills worse, night welcome, but the hunger
now! And Sunday many miles, risking farms, seen panting,
dodging the droning helicopter shadows,
flashing past gardens, wilder, padding along a highway,
twilight, sleepy birdsong, dark safety – till a car
catches the grey thing in its rushing headlights,
throws it to the verge, stunned, ruptured, living, lying,
fangs dimly scrabbling the roots of Hertfordshire.

Wednesday, 2 January 2008

new year, new start?

Sorry folks. January 2nd and not a peep even to say Happy New Year! Well, your correspondent has been busy and is now feeling as jaded as - as - well, as a piece of jade. The pale kind. I've just thrown away an entire carrier bag of old, inedible food includingh loads of stuff I bought just so we would have leftovers to eat. Key word there: "we." Ah well: teenagers, eh.

Work tomorrow morning, with a big meeting at 11am, which I have to prepare for. AND the Victoria Line isn't stopping at, er, Victoria until Monday (that would be asking a bit much of them, apparently). (However, I've just been talking to a 13-year-old who has to go to school tomorrow - five days before the pampered young of N16 - in a bottle-green uniform, complete with blazer. That would take even more gearing up to, I think...)

This time last year I was writing about resolutions. Some of them are the same, which is both good - these are things one should always resolve to do - and bad, as some of them I signally failed to achieve last time round. Little did one know, writing these resolutions, why the detox diet had failed - to wit, that one was sick with something no detox diet could cure - but this year, working only on the basis of what I know, which is all one can do, I resolve most of these things again. The "spending less" one is really the important one. Whatever else happens.

Last year someone - the Political Umpire - invited me to list my seven successes of 2006. This task reminds me of something I was advised to do in the deepest, darkest days of my divorce, which was to write a list of things I was grateful for. No matter how small. I used to list things like "the scrambled eggs on toast I had for breakfast" and "I'm alive." The idea, because you had to fill a side of A4 with your list, was to show that there are always things to be grateful for, no matter how small... It's a salutary exercise at any time when things don't seem to be going right, and I think any given New Year is easily that kind of time. Someone once asked me, at a New Year's Even party, "what's your biggest fear for the coming year?" It was only hard to think which was the biggest.

Now, 2007 has turned out to be utter crap. I know several people who have had that experience, and several who say that almost everyone they know has had that experience. It looks as if we're all glad to put 2007 behind us. The inevitable finale, the crashing crescendo, and one remembers only too clearly one's hopes for that terrible year at its beginning. But wait! Was it all bad?

So, on to the task. The seven things I'm glad to take with me from 2007 into 2008. The year wasn't a complete dead loss. I also challenge you, dear readers, to post a list of your seven things in the comments.

1. My manuscript was accepted by Salt, hurrah, and yes! I am going to send it in this week. It's slated for June publication. (I hope.) There have already been changes for the good as a result of this, friendships and links forged, and other things. Salt was the first publisher I ever sent a manuscript to, so sure was I that they were the outfit I wanted to be with. I think it's a really exciting place to be.

On a smaller poetry note, I was invited to read in St Albans in the autumn, for Oxfam, and it turned out to be the Saturday after my father, le Duc de Baroque, died. I was never in two minds about doing the reading, but I was kind of wondering how I would do it - and in the event it was good, and great, and the church we were in bucked me up immeasurably, and it was a beautiful evening.

2. Well, I hated it, and was sick, and it was awful, but at least I found out what had been causing those stomach-aches and all that faintness and illness, and got it sorted out. So now I'm released from the constant effort of trying to figure out why I don't feel well, and am in fact feeling better. So it's good.

And I learned a lot about hospitals. Which isn't good but it is interesting, in an annoying way. I'm more scared of being old now. And I feel more mature from my experiences, which at my age (156) is only tantamout to saying you feel old, so we'll just leave that one there, shall we.

Also, I didn't go blind.

3. I saw a lot of great films on DVD and telly. Not that I was reading much, or would normally have not been watching nice things, but due to circumstances it was lots more than usual and it was, so far as one was capable of at the time, fun, and some of the things I saw have changed my life in some small way. Eg, I finally saw Taxi Driver. (Yes it did. Are you kidding?? Go watch it!)

4. My blog took off a bit, thanks to you lot, dear readers, so thank you each and every one! I've met interesting people and made friends through this little enterprise, and have loved some of the comments, and been surprised by some of the links, and generally been enriched by it. It's been mentioned and praised in both Time Out and The Bookaholic's Guide to Book Blogs. It's all good, even though I sometimes wonder why I write it or what it's for, or what it's even all about, Alfie.

5. The circumstances may not have been great but it was both novel and good to go home to the States twice in three months. I'm very glad I went for three whole weeks and got to spend some quality time with my father, and am equally glad that I was in a position to be able to go home for his funeral. It was wonderful to spend some time with my neices. It was wonderful to spend quite a bit of time with my Sis. It was wonderful to be in Woodstock for a precious couple of days and it was wonderful to be home in the winter. I really do think I prefer it.

6. I'm behind with almost every piece of writing I'm supposed to be doing for anyone else, but I found the other day that I've got more poems from 2007 than I thought I had, and some of them aren't bad. This is great news! I was thinking I hadn't... Twice this year - and I think this shows something of what it was all like - I've gone to look at poems on the computer and do revisions, and found a poem I have no memory of writing, and no idea what was in my head when writing it. In both cases I quite liked them, and eventually remembered the writing, but both times I only remembered after the revision. That's kind of good, if weird.

Now I must do the other writing and also send out some of the new poems.

7. This one I'm not telling.

Bonus track: Of course I am also grateful for my kids. Always. I wasn't there for them very much this year, what with being ill and feeble and ineffectual (I was about to write "and intellectual" - is it the same thing?) and then away, and I think it is telling a bit. So I guess they're my big resolution for the coming year. That, and not spending money.

I realise that most of these gratitudes come with either a "to do" list attached or a "despite everything" rider. Life, eh.

Wednesday, 5 December 2007

international banking for dummies

Okay, let's say a person goes to New York. Let's say the person is American, sort of, and goes to New York for the second time in three months. But they organised the trip in a hurry and didn't think of telling the bank they were going, because the bank already knows they were there recently, and really, it's none of their business anyway.

WRONG.

Because if you don't tell the bank you are going to New York, and then you spend constant little amounts like £8 and £16.92 on your card in places like Walgreens and CVS and K Mart, they will think the fraudsters have got hold of your identity and are having a field day. So they will stop your card, and you will not find this out until you are at the counter in the liquor store with a bottle of Merlot and another bottle of single malt scotch for your brother, which you don't want to do without, so you will have to pay for them with your last $40 in cash.

So then you will sigh, saying, "Alas, I must ring the Abbey National from my English cell phone at a cost of £1.50 a minute to sort this out; what a plonker." But you will be in the mountains, and there will be no signal on your little phone. And it's an 0845 number, which can only be rung from a UK line. So you'll call 411 to ask for international directory enquiries, to get a number you can call from a US phone. 411 will tell you you need to dial 00 for international. In a snotty voice, because everyone knows that, don't they.

Except you.

00 will ask you for a something-or-other code, which will be Ancient Greek or maybe Serbo-Croat to you, and your brother will say, "why don't you try dialling 0 for the normal [sic] operator?" You will do this, but instead of talking to an operator, you will find yourself in a forest of recorded options all to do with Verizon. Eventually a girl will come on, tell you they don't do international and that you should dial 00. When you explain that you've already tried to do that she will transfer you to business services and hang up on you before you can even ask what that's about.

You will them spend some period listening to terrible American country-pop from the dreary 70s. But then another Verizon girl will come on and ask for the name of the account holder, and the account number. You will get halfway through pestering your sister-in-law for this information before suddenly realising how intrusive the whole thing suddenly feels. "But all I wanted was a phone number! Why do you need the account number? Are we in some way under suspicion?"

"Ma'am," she'll say to you in a weary, patronising voice, as if you were a mental patient. "In order for me to give you assistance you need to give me the account number, to verify the account and ascertain whether it 'has long distance on it', you may find that is why you can't dial international," etc.

"But" you expostulate, "I'm only trying to ask for a phone number! I haven't even got to phoning international yet! I just want to call my bank!"

Gradually it will become apparent to you that even thinking about asking for an international number qualifies as "making an international call."

"Ma'am," the weary girl will say again. Stating the obvious. "We don't give out phone numbers here." This will engender another little discussion, to which she will reply saying, "Unless you give me the account details I can't check to see if you have long-distance on the account and you probably won't be able to call international from that number anyway, and if you want my assistance I will need to enter the account details into the system" etc. Only she will use three times as many words to say this.

You will attempt to talk to her as if she were a human being. "Look," you'll say. "You have to admit this is frustrating! Imagine if you were visiting someone and just had to call your bank! And I'm not even up to that yet, I'm only trying to call information! You'd be frustrated too!" Your voice will rise.

Meanwhile, your brother will be sitting there trying to reinstall Windows, but his pc won't be accepting any of his key numbers. "Christ!" he'll shout, punching numbers into little tiny boxes on the screen. "Jesus!"

"You two!" your sister-in-law will say. She will go back into her bedroom and shut the door.

However, your brother, being a genius of the highest order and also an erstwhile IT professional, will manage what you couldn't: he will extract the correct number from the Abbey National website. So then you will get dressed and go the mile and a half into town to buy a calling card (note: not a calling bird) and see if the ATM will still accept your other card, and at least get your bus ticket into the City for tomorrow, and then back to the house to get down to calling the bank.*

And no, stopping to write the whole thing down is not procrastination.


* "I'm sorry, but we're all busy helping other customers at the moment. Please hold the line and we will talk to you when we're free." "Thanks for being so patient! You're moving up the queue, so please have your account details ready." 54 minutes on hold. I've given up.

Thursday, 29 November 2007

are poets professional writers?














The time zone I'm now in is midway, morally at least, between London and Los Angeles. I know many of us are following the American scriptwriters' strike with keen eyes, waiting to see how soon they'll have to get better writers in for most Hollywood movies. What I hadn't realised, as I battled with the elements up there above the Atlantic yesterday,* was that the UK's poets have come out on strike in support. Read more at NewsBiscuit...

But seriously, folks!

It so happens that the poets of the UK are in process of organising themselves. In my Academi newsletter last week there was an item about the digitalisation of the magazine archives at the Welsh National Library. Newsletter recipients were invited to put their names on a list of writers refusing to authorise the use of their work in the project, as no provision had been made to pay the authors for this "new use" of copyrighted work. I think the protest is being mobilised by the poet Oliver Reynolds; the following letter from the Western Mail seems to be written by him, though I'm lifting it from the Academi newsletter:

"The National Library of Wales is currently digitising 90 Welsh periodicals and magazines. This project, Welsh Journals Online, aims to provide “free, online, searchable access” to complete runs of such titles as Barddas and Poetry Wales.

Set up by librarians and academics, the project does not seem to have consulted creative and professional writers or the bodies that represent them.

The project is receiving more than £840,000 in public funding. The Library, though, has not allocated any money for the people who wrote the articles, reviews, stories and poems that make up the magazines. Instead, it hopes that rights holders will allow their material to be used for free.

Writing is work. Professional writers are paid both for their work and for its re-use. In not making provision for the payment of copyright holders, the project is seriously flawed. Until this matter is addressed, writers who want to keep Welsh writing on a professional basis will not allow the National Library of Wales to digitise their work."

I wrote to Oliver mentioning the British Library's archiving programme, and of course the work the Poetry Library at the South Bank is doing with digital periodical archives. He wrote back to me thus:

"I have had a chat with Chris McCabe at the P Lib - and their scheme was far more mindful of the implications of what they were doing than NLW. On a list of FAQ about the NLW project on their site it says that material can be downloaded and printed. I would have thought that does "constitute new use of the material".

Now. Am I missing something? I'm happy to support the rights of writers. I really am. But there are a couple of strands here that I think may need unpicking before I'm convinced I really support this protest. One is whether poets can really benefit from this "fair pay for a fair day's work" organised labour mentality. And the other strand is the question raised by the whole digitisation issue, the availiability of original work by artists to be downloaded; we're familiar with this in connection with musicians. It's not going to go away, so it does behoove writers to develop a stance on it, I suppose.

But are poets "professional" in that strictly financial sense, which translates ownership of copyright automatically into shekels? I can't see it. I can remember telling my parents, one day when I was little, that I wanted to be a poet. I think. And they told me that all those poets you read in the books, the dead white males, they all had other jobs - they had to earn their living doing other things. I got my head round it and lo! here I am. Am I wrong, missing a trick? Most of the "professional poets" I know make their money from teaching, doing residencies, writing other things, or - as it happens - are supported at least in part by their partners. It certainly isn't something a single, sole-bill-paying parent could reasonably aspire to. They don't make their money from writing poetry. And even were they do protect with the fierceness of a mother lioness the copyright on all their published works, they still never would. Whcih is not to say they shouldn't, but merely that it is a point of principle, not a pecuniary one.

Given that even the specialist poetry press barely pays for the stuff in the first place - given that it is virtually without, or is even beyond, monetary value, I think this withdrawing of services pending remuneration makes no sense. It's a sideways thing. Nobody ever really said they wanted those services in the first place. Poetry is the dead cat of writing.

As to the intellectual property element, the fact of downloadability, well, the library is archiving magazines, not republishing individual works by individual authors. The fact is that anything, whether it says it's downloadable or not, is downloadable, if only in the form of a screen grab, and that's that. Once the eords exist in the order you've put them in, they simply exist: they could be copied with a pencil into a copybook, typed out and xeroxed, photographed and reproduced. Are these writers saying they don't want their words to be visible on a screen? Why?

In any case I just can't see that re-paying writers for work which is being reproduced within its original context - and for which they have already been either paid either once or, critically, not at all - is an idea that's going to go far. If anything, you'd think the library should pay the magazines for permissions, and the magazines would then pay the authors. But even that seems untenable.

Note that I'm not being paid for writing this blog. It's mine, I just write it. Even were I to write it for Comment is Free (say), I'd be getting paid less than writers who write for the paper Guardian. I have heard, incidentally, of commissioned articles ("commissioned" being, I think, crucial) by "professional" writers getting "spiked" onto CiF, whereupon their authors then become eligible only for the CiF fee - which is, at an hourly rate, about enough to cover a first draft. (Interesting question: which is smaller? The CiF fee or the kill fee they'd have been paid if the piece hadn't been used at all? Now this is worth looking into.)

The issue of whether writing as an activity has an intrinsic market value is an important one and isn't going to go away. To this extent, writers are right to protest (although, on that basis, I should not be blogging). But can this apply to purely creative writing? Only, I think, once that writing, the body of work, has a clearly established market value. Even a novel, once it's published, has that. But a single poem lodged, otherwise out-of-print and never intended to be anything but, in a back issue of a magazine?

And is it different if it's a review? Really?

Are these poets protesting against a real abuse of their position in the marketplace, or are they protesting against a state of affairs they think is unfair? I'm not sure what I think. There is a big part of me that thinks, Chidiock Tichborne asked to be paid for his Elegy; but then maybe I'm just inured to the evil system. It certainly would be nice to just write a poem and then be able to fire it off somewhere with the aim of paying the Virgin Media bill. Maybe the poets are right to protest.

Ideas, anyone?


* and it was no joke; the worst element I encountered was a nasty little glass of Virgin wine that got knocked over by an empty plastic food container as I struggled to eat my "meal" in six inches of space, and saturated the entire left leg of my only jeans with its redness, wineyness and general nastiness. I realise this may only sound as bad as "Islington poet drops virgin olive oil on toe whilst wearing sandals," but let me assure you it was not pleasant.

Tuesday, 27 November 2007

the death of wit: what is it for?

Children's television is going downhill, we hear. No kidding. To coin a phrase. Apparently this is because of ever-falling budgets - and indeed, the BBC has cut its children's programming budget by 10%. Our kids are now to be fed a TV diet of cartoons, reruns and cheap American imports (including, presumably, the now-pc Sesame Street).*

How can we expect the kind of high-quality programming our children need - and they do need it, because they will get something in any case and we need to prevent them getting the stale, content-free, mind-numbing alternative - to materialise if the money isn't there to make it? Why must they think the whole world is like either a reality TV setup, or a celeb opportunity, or an ersatz American school, or computer-generated?

So. Not like grownup television, then. Nooo... Of course, everyone knows of the handy coincidence, that reality TV is so much cheaper to produce than, let's say, a new sitcom or drama - but that's okay, right? And everybody also knows that kids don't watch kids' TV anymore anyway, except for CBeebies. As long we we have Big Brother, the X Factor, Wife Swap, and the latest Stephen Poliakoff... oh, sorry, where was I - I must have dropped off -

I was away, so I missed writing about Jeremy Paxman's famous MacTaggart lecture in August, when he asked "What is television for?" He threw down the glove - and it seems the challenge is being taken up in the negative: "it's not for this, it's not for this..." It reminds me of the hero of the opera I wrote with my best friend in 6th grade, whose catchphrase went, "I won't marry you, I won't marry you, I won't marry yooouu..." I can't remember who, if anyone, he did marry. Maybe we never finished the opera.

In yesterday's Guardian Peter Fincham dusted off Paxo's question and sent it to lots of people for an answer. It seems none of them have answered it in a practical way. No one can say "Ban Big Brother, scrap the next top bimbos, do away with Extreme Makeover or whatever it is, and bring back The Good Life, Father Ted, the Forsyte Saga (not again - ed.), Tiswas, The Old Grey Whistle Test and LOTS more things like Life on Mars. We want intelligent quiz shows,** proper news, stories that ARE stories, and maybe some new Slaters to duke it out with Ronnie & Roxy. We want documentaries like that one about Ancient Egypt that the Baroque kids loved so much. Make everyone watch Dennis Potter's famous final interview again, and try to learn something from him" It's still, in other words, mostly a load of blather because nobody really wants to rock the boat. The bottom line really is the bottom line (cue line of fat arses).

The people who say we can get by with bad television*** (except for Poliakoff - he, presumably because he is its main beneficiary, with his affectless exercises in po-faced turgidity, thinks British TV is doing never better! and excelsior! into the ever- glistening future!) seem to think it is because we don't really want TV any more. The kids are all watching streamed movies, Smack the Pony and X Factor on catch-up TV, anyway.

Shame on us.

Meanwhile, the good news is that the original episodes of Sesame Street - one of the most pioneering and enduring programmes ever made for preschool children - are now available on DVD. But watch out. They're only suitable for adults, and that's according to the current Sesame Street producers. The concerns involve the irresponsible behaviour modelled by both humans and puppet characters in the early days.

Picked out for particular opprobrium is the spoof of the sainted Alistair Cooke, who used to present Masterpiece Theater on US public television: a character called Alistair Cookie, who presents Monsterpiece Theater, who initially smokes and then, cookie-monster-style, eats his pipe. Other examples of "bad role models" include the character Bob, holding a girl's hand and taking her home with him (to meet his wife and drink some milk, asd it happened); Oscar the Grouch, who spreads gloom and misanthropy with no recourse to counselling, therapy, group hugs or prozac; the scapegoating - and possible unreality - of the Snuffleupagus; etc, etc. Even in the real-life sections there are worrying trends.

Have a look, here. All those teats. And drinking unpasteurised milk, from non-EU-approved buckets! And as someone or other has pointed out, it's even full-fat.

Of course, Life on Mars adressed all this head-on with its idyllic view of the (sexism-n-racism -n-all) 70s. Yes: we all miss the days when you could just live. Be yourself. Deal with what you're dealing with, not what someone else will think of how you're dealing with it, whether it's going to make someone lots of money, or whether it might make you famous.

* Then again, I remember being horrified years ago when the first Harry Potter books came out in America with the "Englishisms" edited out - so that Hogwartrs is referred to as a "high school." and even slang terms are Americanised. Given this as a comparitor, I think we should be grateful that the UK TV bosses are happy for their sprigs to imbibe all that Americana, instead of sticking to a more local flavour. At least it shows someone is capable of not taking everything literally.

Hmm, or maybe we should get Gordon Brown onto it. How will we define, and forge the "new Englishness" if our kids don't have a cultural model for anything further east than California?

** Not me, okay. I don't watch quiz shows. But you know what I mean.

*** Okay, Bleak House was tremendous, exceptional. And in the summer I liked Debbie Horsfield's True Dare Kiss, with Dervla Kirwan et al. But week on week, not that I watch much anyway, there is nothing to watch.

Tuesday, 30 October 2007

Dina












I've just learned that my old friend Dina Rabinovitch, one of the most inspiring and fun, and incidentally most practical, people I've ever met, whose youngest daughter was little with mine, and who helped me through the worst time in my life when my marriage was breaking up and I was fighting for my children, and who has spent three years writing and campaigning about breast cancer - who kept writing and speaking and campaigning even after she was too sick to do it, and who did more even sick than most people ever do - died last night.

It's a shock. How can it be a shock?

I only had an email from her the other day.

Please go to her website. Buy her book. And read it: it's a good read. Give money to help build a new cancer trials unit at Mount Vernon. Read more about Dina in today's Guardian. Read her last column for the Guardian, published only a week or so ago.

And if you're reading this and you knew her, let's take this time to remember her before she knew she would ever have this relationship with this awful disease. I remember her young and hopeful, and so pretty, writing wonderful short stories. She had the most beautiful, clear voice, I loved listening in our writing workshop when she read her things out. I remember when she met Anthony, and telling wonderful stories about her life, always telling the stories - "listen, this happened to me," and it always went, unspoken: "so it's happened to other people too." (Except maybe not the story about how she met the love of her life - that's unusual.) Raising her children. Laughing. Shopping for shoes.

I remember once, I'd read in the paper a study that said hair dye could cause bladder cancer, & I was flipping out a little bit, saying maybe I should stop colouring my hair, what would happen over a lifetime of getting your roots done, etc etc. Dina told me not to worry about it, just keep dying my hair. She quipped - and it wasn't even really a quip because she meant it - "What do they expect us to do? Go grey??"

We laughed. That little remark made me laugh for years after, it was so funny.

Until. See, how little did we know.

But I still think she would say we should get our roots done. You can't not live - and that's what she was saying, and what she always said, and what she did.

I'm so sad. And I'm so happy I knew her.

Monday, 8 October 2007

in which Sister Caroline has arrived

















At last. And I think her new surroundings are going to suit her!

In the process of getting these things over here I have had cause to research these Currier & Ives pictures. The famous printers produced hundreds of prints of little girls, or different types of "American beauties," as well as of pious tots saying their prayers and so on; they absolutely typify the 19th-century sentimentality about children (and, by extension, everything else, it really is pernicious); but look! I love her expression. On le Duc's bedroom wall she looked at me trustingly - now she's here she looks more than a little satisfied. And they aren't, in the scheme of things, that expensive. I find myself within a hair of buying more. I've even discovered a dealer I like. (But don't worry! I don't have any money.)

Monday, 17 September 2007

my material world

Autumn, and the thingness of things comes to the fore. Mind you, it is never far from the fore hereabouts (& any doubt on this score would have been cleared up by the effect of Baroque Mansions' recent deshabillé on the nerves of its prime inhabitant). Oh yes.

Well, last night I dreamed and dreamed. I dreamed about many things.

One of them was the death of a darling friend which occurred three years ago yesterday, and which, while I remembered it of course, I didn't exactly acknowledge in any way because I was inundated with babies and teenagers and laundry, and I was quite glad this morning to note that I had at least managed to do it in my sleep.

Another was my mother, arriving at some place I was in and which might have been a stand-in for my sister's apartment, with a van full of my stuff. I found that it was being delivered, without my prior knowledge and whether I liked it or not, that minute - there was a moving guy making noise about having to leave, like, that minute. One of the most amazing things about the dream was walking out onto the landing and getting a glimpse of my things - so ineffably beautiful, gorgeous complicated-coloured quilts and subtle objects... a plaster statue of someone, I don't know, Dante. All so beautiful it made me gasp. (That's reassuring! At least my stuff was nice!)

It was all made up for the dream, but very plausible or like things I do own. Things out on the lawn. A tiny, two-inch-square Victorian Bible, my mother handed me in the dream saying, "this is your grandmother's Bible, I'm giving it to you instead of your great-grandfather's Bible because it's too big" - pointing to a gigantic old thing four inches thick which promptly tumbles heavily back into a box, cover askew, making me fear for its binding, but you can't worry about everything. Mom hands me the little one and I think of my grandmother, calm in all circumstances. Too calm, some might say. (No danger there, then.) It occurs to me now that the little Bible in the dream looked a bit like a tiny old Victorian photo album that was knocking around the place when I was a child.

There was a lot of uncontrollable crying, grieving, inconsolable - in dream conversations and dream restaurants and dream cars and dream vacuums - a default state of being.

Now, it's interesting, because when I was in the USA the thing I didn't really write about was what was really happening. I was dreaming a lot but I wasn't depressed or sad or feeling sentimental, or overcome with nostalgia. Interested, yes; and alert.

La Maison du Baroque is being broken up, and will be sold for money just as soon as can be. Every time I went there I was told, "sort out these cookbooks" (we are a family of cooks; I rescued many recipe cards from the index boxes, including Mother Bush's Molasses Cookies, Mark Twain's favourite sweet mincemeat cakes, and a very interesting peach butter made with tinned peaches; a pile of cookbooks including books my dad gave me and books I gave him; his James Beard, and his Shaker cookbook) or, "which of these poetry books of le Duc do you want?" (Oh excuse me, I said, the Collected Marianne Moore, his old familiar Eliot, some Millay firsts admittedly stained with ink) or, "tomorrow, when it's cooler, we'll go through The Trunk in the Guest Room."

The Trunk in the Guest Room is, I think, going straight to my sister. But we had to "go through it" first. I wasn't thinking anything of it until the moment, in the guest room, when it was flung open. It contained:

On top: the star afghan crocheted by one of my grandparents (which one?), large coloured stars on a black ground, which is the single most memorable thing from their home and which I have always loved, and which my father pointedly kept when they died; fair enough. This was simply handed to me, a task to tick off.

Under it: Grandma's porcelain birds, including a cardinal that makes me six again, and the little box with a china baby looking into it, with a minuscule bluebird on the top, that makes me three again.

Underneath: two Canadian handwoven wool blankets made a long time ago by relatives of Mother Pelletier, one with cream striped woven in and one with pale rainbow stripes. I took the rainbow one. Very good quality. I already have two patchwork quilts (one unfinished, which I have stretched across a frame 6" by 8") made by Mother Pelletier. A green cotton crocheted tablecloth, much washed and mended, clearly made by Grandpa. (It is impossible to say what beautiful needlework my grandparents both produced, or how this was valued by mountain people who had no money, but much time and skill and patience. You couldn't buy this stuff now.) A cream bedspread crocheted by Aunt Ida - that is, Great-aunt Ida, Grandpa's sister. I hadn't realised she crocheted too, and the presence of this bedspread speaks volumes about the truth of my previous assessment of its importance. My sister took the bedspread and I have to say I still feel a bit sick. But I have no room...

I literally plucked pictures in their frames from the walls. I had to; they were my dad's before I was born, and the girls in the pictures know me, and those walls won't be there soon. One of them I hadn't intended to take, but when I went back she was looking at me with such an expression of familiarity and trust that I felt I had no choice. Giving up the Two Reading Sisters (one of them fair and one dark; I always imagined they were us) would have been like selling my father, and my sister, downstream.

A framed embroidered desert scene on a hectic orange background, made by Grandma.

I was given a ring. We all said, "Grandma would have never worn this!" It was a mystery, a huge tiger's eye in a really unusual setting. But it reeks of the fifties, and looks like he might have picked it up during his time in Mexico, which might mean he was young enough that he consulted his own taste more than his mother's. I showed it to a lovely man who's buying some of the paintings, and he said, "that looks like Taxco silver." I'd never heard of Taxco, Mexico before, but sure enough the inside of the ring says, "Mexico 925."

I was given another ring. It's an enormous, flashy, (Katie) Scarlett O'Hara amethyst set in a silver filigree setting that looks, side on, like the princess' crown. It goes to my knuckle but is delicate and pretty. It was a gift, we think, from my great-grandfather John Peter to his second wife, Charlotte. (His first wife, Catherine Olivia, died at 49 and I'm named after her. From the only photo I've seen of her I doubt she'd have worn that ring. I think it's been waiting for me all these years.)

These two rings alone are now practically the two most remarkable things I own. I guess they must have been in Gandma's things all those years.

All these things! Whatever William Carlos Williams might say, they knocked all the ideas out of me. I felt strangely flat, being given the star afghan: it just felt too big, too serious to respond to. Carrying the little girl in her Victorian frame out to the car I had to stop from crying. I've had to put her in the post, and I've sort of resigned myself to fate. In an odd way I know her as well as my dad. (This may not be as facetious as it sounds: I got talking on the plane home to an economist who has no memory of the pictures she loved as a child. I was describing the way a love of art just comes, the way pictures you loved as a child just stay with you as physical impressions or imprints, and she had no similar experience. This, strangely, gave me a taste of how strong my own experience of pictures may be compared to some other people's.)

We're here for such a short, time, and the things we live among outlive us. In that way they have more power, and we must find a way to access that power and use it to gain, what? wisdom? depth of perception? In this way the tiger's eye ring is no different from Chartres Cathedral; and my dad's Mexico sojourn is just as impossible to find in the sands of time as 12th-century France is.

I was given one of my grandmother's tortoise brooches; sis has the other.

Dishes. Depression glass.

Catherine Olivia's silver service (sis got the other one which is as pretty as can be and has a dinky carving set!), two sets of unusual and adorable coffee spoons, and six really good, and old, solid silver teaspoons.

A big old family Bible containing about ten funeral service cards from 1906, and a photo of Dad aged seven. Bless him.

I also sat for the last time in the very spot where Grandma died, over her knitting. The house will be sold long before I get back over there, even if it's as soon as I'm saying I'm going to try to.

No wonder I'm having dreams! And THEN there's the rest of it, the actual visits with le Duc himself - to say nothing of everyone else, including Mama Baroque, and the strange feeling of spending decades getting used to being in a different country and suddenly turning a corner and being just across from the hospital where you were born.

A friend I had dinner with in New York last week put it in a really good way. His sister lives abroad and when I was talking about finding it hard to go home for visits he said, "yeah, you get the bends every time." He's so right. You come up all depressurised, or is it pressurised.

But the laundry's almost done, the place is back to a relatively messy normal, and I start work tomorrow for the first time in over three months. I'm going to the GP first. I'm nervous. I'm still tired. But I'm also going back to the herbalist next week.

The kids have all decamped to their usual encampments. The babymummy and I had a very fun time today in some local charity shops; she chose me a fabulous purple jumper I'd never have picked, and a black stretch denim pencil skirt with an eighties look about it which I love and will probably wear tomorrow. I hope we'll do it again.

The sunset was very pink tonight, and the balcony was cold, and I'm in my new jumper. I have an exsciting and lovely scarf half-knitted. I'm reminded of how in the winter the fishermen mended their nets, and the farmers their tools.

I have mending to do too: an interview to finish, a book ms to edit & submit, several poems started in the US, a couple more I need for the book, and a few competitions to enter if I can find something to send out.

Tuesday, 26 June 2007

before the knife - an everyday tale of sublimated control-freakery in Upper Street

I tried, I've tried I've tried. But my concentration is strangely shot. My sister arrives at the crack of dawn tomorrow and I'm under the - well, you know... the day after.

So today it was no use. I tried to do my MacNeice - still flushed with the editor telling me I was the only contributor to that issue who had even thought about what they were going to write - but it was just little ants marching across the page. I tried to read Jane Holland's review of Jacob Polley's new book, Little Gods; I even had Little Gods in my bag (sadly, unsigned; I did see Polley read from this and was so useless at remembering my book that I had to ask him to sign a Selected of Donald Hall. Hey: I like to live on the edge). But no; couldn't do it.

Instead, I found myself thinking that to buy some meringues at Ottolenghi would be the most useful thing I could do, so I got on the bus for the Angel. (My hair looks much better, btw; they are darlings at the salon. Lara who does my colour had a fantastic hairdo today, all hairspray and little quiffy bits, and when I commented on it she said she'd been watching Dita Von Teese on something-or-other last night and that inspired her to pull her socks up. I mean put her hair up. They're so great in there, we all kiss each other goodbye. It's like a party.)

So I kissed Lara goodbye in the street and went on the bus to Ottolenghi. Via Past Caring - no furniture in there I needed - and then Flashback, where I bought some Mozart piano sonatas for my recuperation (it's all second-hand) and two videos for ditto: Cyrano de Bergerac, starring the ineffably curative Depardieu; and that sweet eighties film, Letter to Brezhnev., which I think will be a feel-good film par excellence to get me better. Then I went up Cross St (past Get Stuffed, the taxidermist) to Ottolenghi, where I replenished my supply of overpriced, enormous designer meringues, at a cost equivalent to only about five large packets of chocolate Hobnobs. But I can't eat Hobnobs anyway, so it is all academic.

Then thought I might as well have a quick look in Jigsaw...

The silver strappy top will be fabulous for recuperating with abdominal scars, because it's one of this summer's smock shapes. It's so cute. Can you just see the whole thing? It's a bit small in the bust, but that's not a problem because I'm told the real weight loss has barely even begun, & anyway it looks fine. So I asked the girl for a little cardigan to put on over it, to see how it might look in real life. The cardigan was so lovely... I liked it almost better than the top!

But I had to go to the cashpoint, due to some vicissitudes of my cash flow, and on the way back from there - feeling, I have to say, by this time really stressed out and aware of the impending knife and tired of carrying my laptop and aware of spending money and needing still to go buy food - I happened to see this beautiful Chinese orange handbag in the window of Spice... and you know, it is small (but cunningly roomy), and I've been thinking for weeks: I'm going to have all these incisions on my right side, which is where I carry my bag, and all my handbags are huge... even after I'm okay to go out I won't be able to lift the damn bags...!

Well, so after buying the handbag, only in grey not orange because it's more versatile and anyway the hardware was gold on the orange one which is not me - and the top and the cardigan in Jigsaw (my lovely recuperation outfit which will cheer me up no end after all the months I've spent watching my same two grey Gap T shirts get baggier and baggier, one with the stray thread that hangs down just at the V of the scooped-out neckline) I had to go have a coffee and sit down. So tired. So many bags. Plus the laptop on which I had been unable to do any of my work. And, like, all these days of getting caught in these downpours, today I bring my umbrella out and of course it stays dry!

I've bought the food. Cooked the chicken. Changed the beds. Done laundry. And the dishes. And watched EastEnders (don't even ask), and taken the rubbish out (but not replaced the bin liner). And had a big fight on the phone with my lovely pain-in-the-ass eldest child the Urban Warrior, and then put my head in my hands and cried, wanting to ring someone and wail at them, "it's so awful and no one will help me, and no one cares and I'm going to be put under and cut, and you have no idea, I spent so much money - !" But there wasn't anyone.

So then I went and cleaned the kitchen.

Oh, and a family friend says to me, "don't worry, it'll feel like a whole new world. You'll see, it'll be great." She goes,"you'll have to be careful what you eat for a month or so, you can't eat anything greasy. But that's okay because you won't feel like eating anything." She says, "well you'll lose tons of weight!"

So, maybe no chocolates after all. Will it never end?

On the other hand, it looks like I might be reading at the Poetry Cafe on July 7th (Ringo Starr's birthday, I can tell you now for nothing). To be confirmed.

Saturday, 16 June 2007

Adam Kirsch said it

The American critic Adam Kirsch wrote an interesting article, on the state of reviewing, in the New York Sun last week. I have been in a couple of conversations with fellow poets recently about the writing of reviews, and there is certainly plenty to discuss, so this piece pricked my interest. Good criticism is rare as gold-dust: reviews are so often these days nothing but anodyne descriptions of subject matter, with no context - often even of a poet's previous work - and no aesthetic discussion at all. Beyond the dichotomy of good and bad, it's as if we (as both writers and readers) have forgotten that there are other things that could even be said! And Kirsch is an important and prolific critic, so I was naturally keen to see what he'd say on the subject.

But he takes a sad little detour. Sad, because it has a knee-jerk feel about it, although ultimately I think he is right. And I suppose he can't help but venture, however briefly, down the road to Bloggersville for a quick look - it's only responsible*, after all the furore we've been having on the subject lately. He writes:

"In one sense, the democratization of discourse about books is a good thing, and should lead to a widening of our intellectual horizons. The more people there are out there reading, making discoveries, and advocating for their favorite books, the better. But book bloggers have also brought another, less salutary influence to bear on literary culture: a powerful resentment. Often isolated and inexperienced, usually longing to break into print themselves, bloggers — even the influential bloggers who are courted by publishers — tend to consider themselves disenfranchised. As a result, they are naturally ready to see ethical violations and conspiracies everywhere in the literary world. As anyone who reads literary blogs can attest, hell hath no fury like a blogger scorned. And the scorn is reciprocated: Professional writers usually assume that those who can, do, while those who can't, blog.

Well, I have to say I find Kirsch's varietal distinctions odd. I loathe this phrase everyone uses, the "democratisation" of literary discourse. As if anyone wasn't always free to say what they pleased! I always mention Daniel Defoe in this context; the only difference now is that it's free. This "professionalisation"of reviewers, along with its concomitant de-professionalisation of everyone else, leaves little room for artist-practitioners. Maybe where he perceives disenfranchisement and resentment, he's seeing writers who are annoyed at simply not being seen.

Plenty of published writers have blogs.

He does, however, concede:

"Still, it is important to distinguish between the blog as a genre and the Internet as a medium. It is not just possible but likely that, one day, serious criticism will find its primary home on the Web. The advantages — ease of access, low cost, potential audience — are too great to ignore, even if our habits and technology still make it hard to read long essays on the computer screen. Already there are some web publications — like Contemporary Poetry Review, to which I occasionally contribute — that match anything in print for seriousness of purpose. But there's no chance that literary culture will thrive on the Internet until we recognize that the ethical and intellectual crotchets of the bloggers represent a dead end."

So there you have the, or a, nexus of my interest: Adam Kirsch and I, one a professional and one a crotchet, both write for the same journal.**

The fact that it's an online journal rather puts paid to his earlier statement in the article, to wit, "People who write about books on the Internet, and they are surprisingly numerous, do not call themselves reviewers, but bloggers. " Kirsch's categorisation being based on the medium, rather than - as one might say - the message, contributes to the general confinement of the discussion to stereotype. James Marcus, for example, has had some interesting things to say from his vantage point as erstwhile editor at amazon.com, one of which was that things haven't really changed all that much.

Anyway, aside from all the squabbling (and it would be refreshing to read an article that didn't squabble about this; surely every newspaper or magazine review, and every blog, can stand or fall on its merits?), Kirsch makes some valuable observations about the limitations of form:

"
In fact, despite what the bloggers themselves believe, the future of literary culture does not lie with blogs — or at least, it shouldn't. The blog form, that miscellany of observations, opinions, and links, is not well-suited to writing about literature, and it is no coincidence that there is no literary blogger with the audience and influence of the top political bloggers. For one thing, literature is not news the way politics is news — it doesn't offer multiple events every day for the blogger to comment on. For another, bitesized commentary, which is all the blog form allows, is next to useless when it comes to talking about books. Literary criticism is only worth having if it at least strives to be literary in its own right, with a scope, complexity, and authority that no blogger I know even wants to achieve. The only useful part of most book blogs, in fact, are the links to long-form essays and articles by professional writers, usually from print journals."

This paragraph does irk, with its unsubstantiated generalisations about what bloggers believe, and what bloggers want. I also think Kirsch is wrong about the nature of the difference between political and literary blogs: I think that it's a market-driven issue (by which I don't mean money, I mean what people perceive that they want, and whether there are punters). It's worth noting, too, that his assertion that political blogging enjoys much greater influence, fails to take note of the constant debate that rages about whether blogging can ever "be proper journalism." (Sound familiar?) He doesn't mention scientific blogs at all, though I believe blogs are important in scientific communities. And that content is different again.

I've often specifically thought that there don't seem to be that many really interesting literary blogs, of the kind I once imagined would be two-a-penny. I mean trenchant analysis, fresh thinking, informed blogs that would satisfy a certain thirst I have for criticism.*** I see no reason why bite-sized chunks couldn't be as informative and even influential in the literary sphere as they are in the political. After all, politics is certainly no less complicated and tricky than literature; it may be more a matter of utilising one's metier.

As it happens, I've learned a lot in my one year (so far) of writing a blog. When I started I sort of imagined myself writing the kind of thing Kirsch describes, and quickly found that for some reason it is almost impossible. It is simply a different form. So, yes, the links to "proper" articles are invaluable. Space, or more properly time, is certainly an issue, especially if you're envisaging a TLS-style in-depth consideration of a writer. Blogs just aren't designed to be used that way. I should also think that most people who feel inclined to write in-depth criticism do have other outlets for it, and probably place it with a friendly editor - for money, for a wider readership, and not least because it will get taken a lot more seriously if it isn't on their blog!

Certainly a lot of bloggers post cursory paragraphs about their subject, linking to a longer published piece, and fool themselves into thinking they've actually written something. I read one last week where someone referred to "what I wrote about so-&-so" - and in fact he'd written four rather dull lines, and then linked to a very entertaining article. I've probably done that myself. I like to think if I do it that at least I'm adding some small thing to the mix with my cursory paragraph; sometimes it can be a hitherto-unseen link between two linked things. Blogs impose a pressure to post - every day, every two days.

Blogs are more personality-driven than straight literary criticism: I think of them as more analagous to a weekly newspaper column. And a lot of them are consistently better, funnier, fresher, more zeitgeist-feeling than anything in the newspapers (the sainted Michael Bywater excepted, of course; his bitter rants are indispensible; but then, he also has a blog).*** The paragraphs are shorter I think, which mitigates against long, carefully-reasoned arguments.

I've found in practice that the blog format works best for these linky pieces (and, time-consumingly, for sort of "conference call" pieces, where you can almost conduct - in the musical sense - a conversation between different articles or writers by linking to them within your argument - the links being shorthand, of course, with its own danger of shorthand thinking). It's good for personal reflections on things I've read, for anecdote, for quick reactions to news, statements, events. It works for trying out ideas, really as if it were a notebook (one that can give you feedback); it works for ideas you want to illustrate with pictures. It can develop into a sort of letter to your readers, which might - who knows! - have possibilities, as we are otherwise losing our epistolary forms. It's also good for the good old writer's diary. There are a few poets who write about their creative processes, ideas, daily writing life - and who sometimes post up draft versions of poems in progress. All this is not the same as criticism, but it could conceivably be of future interest to critics (or even biographers) - as well as current interest to other writers, students, etc - and as such is a resource.

This is all in addition to the main thing that blogs are good for, of course: short bits of information. Blog format is great for listings, news flashes, little round-ups. Interactive content, like polls or questions.

What it just doesn't seem to lend itself to is the long, carefully researched & reasoned, meticulously argued piece, with quotations and possibly footnotes, that might establish you as a serious critic. The software itself simply isn't built for it. I've certainly found all this to be true, and Baroque in Hackney has duly taken shape around these possibilities and limitations. Crucially - or shall I say critically - it has also taken its shape firmly within blog culture, rather than literary-journal culture.

In other words, I'm a writer: I (hope I) know what I'm doing.

Instead of taking the reader's (passive) vantage point, casting an ungenerous eye on blogs because they aren't doing the same thing as the LRB, it might be more useful - in the context of a shared concern for the future of serious literature and critical thought - to look at them from the vantage point of a writer. A blog is a thing to write. What is it? What is it good for? What will it throw into the mix that you, as the writer, hadn't thought of doing before?
How can you use it to enrich your own ability to write about literature? How could the literary world best use blogs to enrich its culture?

Equally, what isn't it? What is it not succeeding in doing? What do we still need, even when we have blogging?

Of course many blogs are barely literate. Many more are fine, but most don't stretch their critical wings very much. These serve a purpose, for sure, but it is not the same as the purpose served by serious criticism. It can't possibly be, and never was intended to be.**** The real danger to our literary culture probably lies in forgetting to make this distinction - in fact, in failing to cast a critical eye on what is really happening.

In short, I think we agree. As with most family arguments - it not being only perfect happiness that's always the same - it turns out that this may not even be an argument at all, but a case of saying the same thing in different ways. Now it's going to be all about what we do with it...

* After all, as Kirsch says, it's wrong to review a book without reading it.

** and I'm a fan - both of CPR and of Kirsch.

*** sorry if this seems harsh! The two best things I have read recently on blogs, in this regard, are George Szirtes' gripping account of Yevtushenko at a poetry conference last week - which I wrote about, but got no comments at all on - and Jane Holland's incisive and honest reading of Annie Freud's new book. In both cases, check out also their following days' posts. Another thing you can do with a blog is have more, or second, thoughts and continue the discussion as you go.

****a swift bit of research on Wikipedia turns up the fact that he also has a pair of crocodile shoes: can the man do no wrong??

***** and if mainstream papers are worried that no one will be able to tell the difference, maybe they should raise their game a little and publish more challenging reviews.

Sunday, 11 February 2007

touched for the very last time

So, ntl:Telewest, or whatever it was called - Blueyonder, to you and me, at one time - has now been bought by "Virgin Media". Is that supposed to make it better? They still bounced my direct debit and didn't write to me about it for four weeks, by which time they had bounced a second payment because when one bounces they automatically cancel the whole set-up - though the second month's bill wasn't included in the letter they finally sent, oh no, I found out about that when I rang them up. The call centre girl, Rebecca, told me the total without being able to tell me the constituent parts of it; every time I asked her a question she told me a number without being able to say what it was, and three times had to go and "speak to her supervisor".

The upshot is that, even though I only heard there was a problem two days ago, and even then I only heard about half the problem, today they cut off my TV. Hence the phone call, the increasingly bizarre inability to get a straight answer to a simple question, the two months' money paid in one go, the direct debit set up yet again - because for some reason this sort of thing seems to happen all the time with them no matter what they're called.

But that's okay, because now it's Virgin! Everybody knows they're great! And they've sent out about £10-worth of glossy little PR booklets, written in a faux-folksy style - well, more like a fake-geezer style - to prove to me what a fantastic and sexy little service I've now got.

Look at the picture: this girl clearly wants to sleep with me! She thinks I'm a 32-year-old bloke with a pointy bit of hair on top, held up with lots of gel, and with a boring little navy blue jumper on, who plays lots of Wii and buys extra sports channels. I see these guys in the tube, all looking bland and the same and probably lusting after girls who look just like this one.

In Baroque Mansions these booklets are anti-PR. And that's okay, because I am clearly not the revved-up metroboy customer my new providers really hanker after. They must want me to go back to BT. And, now that I've finally got my direct debit set up again and my £136 paid and my TV back on, that's just what I'm going to do.

Friday, 19 January 2007

the Friday resolution: recap

Well, maybe not so much Friday as Robinson Crusoe.

This week's resolution is, very simply, to consume less. That is, to consume less in a simple fashion, simply. If you consume more in a non-simple, that is in a fancy, luxury, Marylebone High Street way, you undo all the good work of consuming less. No Aveda for me. Just at the moment.

This decision has been brought to you by, I mean was sparked by, many small realisations and catalysts. Money. The rubbish. The warmest winter in history. My clothes keep shrinking. My bank account keeps shrinking. The rent, I mean the sea level, keeps rising, and I'm tired of feeling tired all the time. Restaurant food palls, and restaurants also seem to be answerable to no one for their waste. I mean, recycling? And I saw a guy parking the Yum Yum's van outside the new Mexican place and then he got out and gobbed a great big gob of spit onto their newly refurbished flowerpot area. Ew! People who consume less don't have to worry about that kind of stuff! Nothing to do with them, mate.

I do love the lovely cheeses from Fresh & Wild, and we can continue to have nice bread, but I must resolve to eat less of it. And the spiced plum pickle. I resolve to buy less wine for the house, as by definition I'm drinking it alone if I'm here. It's 900 calories a bottle. (Mind you that's not so much compared to those little truffles they sell... but let's not talk about those.)

And I further resolve to knock all the restaurants on the head. Did I say that? Last night I met up with some adorable old friends, and it set me back £23. I can't keep doing that, however adorable they may be or however delicious the kofte.

I resolve to buy fresh, seasonal food - meaning we eat spring greens rather than baby Kenyan green beans. Leeks. Carrots. Potatoes. Good old English grub. Shepherd's pie. All these things cost less and consume less food miles. (Except I will have to still buy aubergines. I already don't buy courgettes out of season, anyway don't really fancy them after the summer. But aubergines. Dear me.)

I resolve to try and remember to carry a spare shopping bag with me at all times, so I won't need plastic bags in the supermarket. I can't promise to remove all packaging at the checkout, much as I like the idea: agitprop isn't really an essential part of my busy working day. Though maybe it should be.

I resolve to walk to Seven Sisters station at least a couple of times a week, which means I also resolve to get up earlier.

On my way to the station I can drop off the recycling. Of course, living in a flat and having to take the recycling to the bins means I can't be given discounts for the more I recycle, and may well end up - this is Hackney - being charged a penalty because the council isn't picking any up here. But even that isn't a reason not to take the recycling up to the bins on my way to work!

I've been turning the heating off a lot. Partly because it's not that cold. Partly because of the huge bills you get slapped with from British Gas if you so much as think about turning the heating on. Partly because I've been reading about the ice caps.

Oh where is the LO-OVE?!?

Simplifying is really complicated, isn't it? And every time I decide to stop buying things, something comes along that I need: like right now I need some new tights. And a new foundation (in oh how many ways! but no, just some make up will do for now: Maybelline). And my day-to-day boots are going. They are three years old. But I'm skint. And fat. And I owe council tax, which I'm sure I said already, so by consuming less I mean I must pay the council tax, which is like consuming more. Once I've done that I won't be able to consume anything.

So, to recap:
eat less
drink less
walk more
recycle
pay council tax
no new clothes - shrink to fit old ones
seasonal local food
heating off (saves money and re-caps, or at least less de-cap)

Oh, and by the way - if you leave chargers, i.e., phone chargers, in the socket between charging, they really do leak out electricity all over the house, costing you money AND shrinking that polar ice cap!

Looks like I'm going to be having fun fun fun! (Daddy took the T-Bird away.)

Sunday, 1 October 2006

miseryguts for garters

Call me shallow, but it seems to me that Martin Amis is aging rather badly... For one thing he has the bizarre modern version of a comb-over - a comb-back - with thin, longish hair that he must consider trendy or something but in fact makes him look sort of Dickensian. And he looks shockingly sclerotic. This sclerosis perhaps contributes, or is it the other way around, to an air of pained, desiccated misanthropy. (On which note, I love the way he's now sticking up for the rights of women! Back in the day, girls, did we really think of Martin Amis as one of the sisters? Let's try and remember.) It's been going this way for years: it must have been in the early nineties, the interview I read where someone asked him about money, maybe to do with That Advance, and even then he answered airily: "oh, I just send all those kind of things to my accountant, I never even look at them, it's too tedious." He said he never even glanced at his own bank statements.

Maybe that fact alone can shed some light on why he just doesn't get it.

(Of course Ms Baroque doesn't glance at her bank statements either, but that's not tedium, that's just not wanting to face the fact that one will most likely starve in old age. Every so often Little Miss Baroque will start to follow her around the house with them, saying, "Mummy, shouldn't you open some of your post?")

I read his big "Horrorism" Observer piece the other week, all the way through. It was full of the patness we have come to expect in his fiction. Neat little stitched-up, packaged-up shticks may be all very well for a satirical novel, but if he really is claiming this towering moral superiority for "The West" (Timothy West, maybe?), and if he really is citing our brave tradition of freedom of inquiry and thought and speech and all that, maybe he could start by looking at his own brand of didacticism. He's beginning to tip over the edge into one of his own characters.

Amis has, by his own admission, been spending some time writing a novel ("on suffering") poolside in Uruguay, in between summering in the Hamptons of course. It's probably easier doing it that way; even in Notting Hill or somewhere he'd probably just be too close in to see it properly.

And now this huge (Observer, once again, and sadly not on the web) picture of him glowering on an enormous sunshine-yellow couch, at his summer place in the Hamptons, has given me great pleasure - the word "Amis" is in a matching yellow, overprinted on top of a rather striking eight-foot abstract painting. You know, as an example of our culture I did love it. I do love our wonderful heritage. It just looks wonderfully and completely inane, like something out of Decline and Fall.

Maybe his upcoming UK book tour will do him good. And it might remind him why, here at the coalface, we have to laugh.

Friday, 16 June 2006

the best things in life are free

Okay so the money-saving tips are not arriving. Ms Baroque has had a fabulous cut & colour (at Beaucatcher in Stoke Newington Church Street, N16 — not money-saving, but fun), bought some sweet green earrings made from buttons (Hamiltons, Church St as above), purchased £140-worth of groceries, black patent leather sandals, oh and some Hugo Boss perfume. Well, that one was an emergency. So I think the money-making tip here is just don’t turn out like me. Let them eat Waitrose foodstuffs and drink French rosé.

On the upside, I did make a double recipe of homemade biscotti this morning, which if you consider that they’re a pound each off the counter at Caffe Nero is an almost incalculable saving.














And Regents Park, the most romantic place I think I’ve ever been (I know, how sad is that), is free. The roses are like something out of Boucher.