it's no joke

Boys and girls, this is no joke. I'm lightheaded. I'm dizzy. I can't remember what I was doing. I have to keep lying down. And I look like hell.

These items may seem not so incommensurate with "being sick," but there are other variables in the case which are not - with any luck, unlike the "sick" one - going to go away very soon. I have not managed to consume more than about 1,200 calories on any day since last Friday week. A "healthy" diet for women consists of approx. 2,000 calories and 70g of fat per day, and I tot up today's fat intake at maybe10g. That's 600 calories missing right there, even before the wine I didn't drink.

Now, I know Ms B has a pound or two to spare, and I have long been thinking in an idle way, while pouring another one - while asking the waiter for the chili oil - while throwing some wine into the spaghetti sauce - of trying to lose some weight. Indeed I have wondered why I didn't seem able to, and have felt something was wrong with my system, as even that detox diet last autumn made no impact. Well, now I've cracked it: just don't eat! For days and days! Till it hurts! A friend refers to this syndrome as the body having its own deep-freeze it can go to when it gets the munchies. That's yuck. Ms B has a thing about not being hungry, and about being able to concentrate and remember things that were said to her five minutes before by her progeny and others.

Ms B has Important Things to Do, and I guess the fact that these things are beginning to make themselves felt is probably a sign of recovery. It's no longer enough just to sleep away the afternoon. A longer sleep is no more the hallmark of a better day. Today I couldn't stand to watch the old movies with Elizabeth Taylor, Montgomery Clift and Eva-Marie Saint; maybe tomorrow I can start really using my brain. Today I did some poetry admin, and I called the Evil Virgin Media Empire to complain about their stupid poxy broken remote. I even went downstairs this afternoon to sort out the recycling boxes. (When I got back up to the flat I was completely winded. I was also winded after putting the groceries* away, which they are not, quite, completely, yet.) But can I do all these exciting things if I'm feeling dizzy and lightheaded?

Being sick - it's no joke, Dave Hill! You really have to be feeling pretty fit to be able to cope.**

* tins of beans, fresh vegetables, crab sticks. Bread. For flavouring, chili sauce, teriyaki sauce, lemons, sushi ginger. Erm - that's it. The tins feel really heavy.
** to be said in a Homer Simpson voice: "Chocolate...!!"