"Good day"
Under the above heading, someone called Kieran Special has just sent me the following email:
Dear Ms Baroque (If that is your real name)
Did you know the following?
a. Noone cares about your opinion.
b. Your photo alone is enough to make most either stop reading, vomit on there crotch or track you down just to slap you round your pretensious face with there flacid cock.
c. Your head is so far up your anal passage that you have gone on a disgusting trip, passing the wonders of your bowels, instestines, stomach, up your esphongus and out your mouth which has never known when to shut up.
I think he might just have something, don't you? He could be the next, oh, I don't know, William Burroughs.
22 comments:
I thought his Joycean wit had peaked with "instestines" until I came to "esphongus."
Richard, you're right. I did him a disservice...
Can this man be reached and employed in some way? In Iraq? On the editorial board,or what passes for it, of the Daily Mail?
Something that would stiffen his lamentably flac(c)id cock.
(I am, of course, deeply jealous. The fact that I haven't also been threatened with a good dick-whipping makes me feel, well, bland...)
Looks like it’s time to read Reginald Shepherd’s thoughts on online discourse again.
I don't think the photo's bad at all.
:)
Sis
xxoo
Write through of Kieran Special - "PLAIN ECES, AIR, K"
Dear Baroque
Did you know that you
Alone make most here care
About your words
And love you for your
Face, your name, reality
And poetical opinion;
Sensuous sage who honey mouths
The art of hope,
A truth torc loose around your Neck;
Sing with the eye alone
Hear alphabets music wooing in Ether.
Your tongue scripts star light,
Its naked truth shoving asunder
Chasms of doubt, out past new
Moon-strips opposite sun rings
Pouring down his wing-shook
Privacy, a huff on jute
You own , chop to us, C.
~
Ha ha Baroque. I just spent several hours honing my head on this joker's negative and very lame deposit. A write-through, using the same letters to create summat different, because i'm worth it, going that little bit further, and no, i am not kieran special, just in case you think i am that sad.
I have run out of research now, and there are no more chat joints left to conquer or get barred from, as the last six years all came good in the past few weeks, so now i'm looking for new challenges and started last night with a deposit Glammy Puss, the pole affair writer, left on her Clairvoyance blog, and when i checked in at the mansion and saw this rubbish, couldn't resist the challenge, to reverse the connotational polarity ..Love and peace..
You know you've arrived when you get flame mail like that. Lovely.
Don't let the feckers get you down.
Charles, do you have any idea how pretentious I had to be to reach this pinnacle! Work harder, darling!
Rob, looks like it's time to read the dictionary again too.
Sis, I think it makes me look a bit fat. Oh, wait -
Des, you're a star. Peace & love to you too.
Badgergirl, hurrah!
Puthwuth, the connotational polarity's already been reversed.
"a. Noone cares about your opinion."
That would be no-one, save the people who take the trouble to email you abusively (I sent you a non-abusive one the other day, incidentally).
"b. Your photo alone is enough to make most either stop reading ..."
No it isn't, since the author didn't stop reading.
"c. Your head is so far up your anal passage that you have gone on a disgusting trip, passing the wonders of your bowels, instestines, stomach, up your esphongus and out your mouth which has never known when to shut up."
Well if nothing else that would make you a master of yoga, I suppose. Having had two children I've learned quite a lot about the female anatomy but nothing about 'instestines' or the 'esphongus' (I thought they were classical authors).
Still I've a slight jealousy. The best I've managed is to be called an 'absolute tosser'. My readers, perhaps reflecting the more prosaic nature of my blog, clearly lack the same imagination and creativity of yours. Even in abuse my blog pales in comparison ...
Ms Baroque - have you played on the poetry newsgroups lately? They're doing a two-trolls-for-the-price-of-one offer over at rec.arts.poems at the moment ...
I'm sorry, I can't take anybody seriously who doesn't know the difference between 'there' and their'.
Puss
Rik, shame I've only got the one troll. I'll save up.
Puss, now you've done it! Gone and tripped over the elephant in the room.
"Esphongus" is one of the funniest misspellings I've seen in awhile. Wonderful stuff, and a great name for a blog. Joyce would applaud. Mr Special (or 'Noone') obviously cares greatly about your opinion (or about the fact that others do).
"Ms Baroque (If that is your real name)." Uh oh, he's on to you; dazzling detective work. He'll be unmasking Puthwuth next.
omg I bet he lives on a council estate and went 2 a state skule wtf.
Dear Anonymous.
I live in a two-bedroom flat with three kids. I went to a state school, as did all my kids. I don't have a degree. I have had many friends over the years, as do my kids now, who live in council flats. I live in Hackney, for Gods sake. I spent 7 years living off Mare Street in a ONE-bed flat, telling my kids not to complain becaue half the world lives in a goddamn yurt.
There is no excuse for nastiness. If Keiran thinks I'm pretentious he is welcome to it, but if he is going to write poorly worded, vitriolic, execrably- (and excrementally-)spelled emails to me, he had better be prepared to have the piss taken out of him a bit.
Good English, love of language - which is also a love of clear thought, a love of expression of feelings, a love of the quality of experience of being alive - and a sense of engagement with civilisation are not, nor have they ever been, the preserve only of the rich. Think of all the printers in the 17th century, the pamphleteers, the early Dissenters, the working men who started the working men's colleges in the early 20th century (Morley College in South London is still there), the people who started the public libraries - it is out current era, only and alone, in which it has become fashionable to be an ignorant, good-for-nothing, bitter loser, who thinks merely being famous is an achievement in itself - to be obsessed with trappings and trivialities and to disdain the people whose suffering MADE this civilisation we live in. And acceptable to blame it on anyone but oneself. Think of the Welsh male voice choirs in the mining villages - sorry, they were singing Handel! Who fucking taught them about Handel if not themselves?
Only last week I was writing about John Clare, a farm labourer who wrote poems on scraps of paper, hiding under a haystack, and became one of England's great poets! John Keats grew up in a stableyard. What the fuck permission is it you are WAITING for??
Anyone who revels in being marginalised on the basis of their socio-economic bracket is marginalising himself, no matter how much he may blame others for the fact that he can't get off his goddamn arse and go read some books and look at some pictures and learn what's really going on around him and become part of it.
Is that all quite clear?
And by the way, given the sexual nature of Keiran's remarks, I'd say there was some good old-fashioned misogyny going on there, which I will not even stoop to discuss. What a cretin.
Well, the author's taste and judgment are as egregious as his or her spelling. I've had comments at least as pointless and puerile over the years at E-Verse. I suspect someone may have intentionally misspelled some words to throw you off the scent of . . . ex-boyfriend? Jilted lover? Jealous poet?
kerion is a twat.
thus spake kris
Well, I never, Ms B. It's quite bizarre to think you can piss someone off simply be being witty, erudite and entertaining. None of us are safe!
This morning on the train, I thought the driver said,
'This train is full of vomit', which I found rather disconcerting for an instant. What he was actually saying was, 'This train is for the moment..' I know this because he followed it with 'slowing down to comply with' some flimsy excuse from Network Rail involving leaves which I stopped listening to.
I got it in the end. Pity about Kieran Special - who obviously never will. His loss.
xxx
Pants
Wow. The people who have sent me hate mail really need to step up. They need to mention my "anal passage" at LEAST, God - otherwise what is the point in hate mail??? And of course my "esphongus".
I agree with Sheila. You seem to attract a better class of hate-mailer, Baroqueney, and I feel rather jealous. Your guy is inventive. Cherish him. I just get called a c*** and it's starting to wear thin.
Esphongus is genius.
Periodic one! You're even more periodic than usual - great to see you.
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